Roasted Manok ng kapitbahay, NPA style

Capture a medium sized chicken and terminate it with extreme prejudice. Cut off the head; set aside. Practice torture by dipping the chicken in a palanggana of hot water; pull out all the feathers and take out the intestines. Dunk the chicken one last time into the palanggana. Rub salt unto the chicken. Put the cleaned chicken in a plastic bag. Pour soy sauce into the plastic bag until the chicken is half covered; top off with vinegar. Put a crushed head of garlic. Pepper to taste. Shake to mix. Let it marinate for half an hour. In the meantime, look for an empty biscuit can; preferably a can of Fita or Sky Flakes. Punch holes on the side of the can. Cut out the top of the can with the knife and a piece of rock. Look for four flat stones; set them on the ground and put the cut out top of the can over them. Put the marinated chicken (after taking it out of the plastic bag first) unto the cut out top of the can. Put the other part of the can (duhh... the part where holes had been punched?) over the chicken to cover it. Put dried sticks, old newspapers and dried leaves over the can until it’s fully covered. Set it on fire. Put more sticks when the fire is blazing. Put a pot of rice on top of the fire. When rice is cooked, allow the fire to burn for about a half an hour more, push aside the ashes; remove can. Serve and consume immediately. Dig a hole; bury the chicken's head and bones with the feathers and other pieces of evidence.